Lately it’s been raining a lot, so I decided that spending time indoors wouldn’t be a bad idea and bravely faced hordes of teenagers and kids to go to the movie theater in the nearby mall. Since “World War Z” opens next week I bought tickets for “Man of Steel” the new Superman movie with Morpheus and that stiff FBI agent from Boardwalk Empire.
The movie is a reboot of the Superman series after the disastruous “Superman Returns” that nobody liked, that came years and years after the ones with Christopher Reeves that everyone liked, even more since he fell from a horse.
Superman is one of the most beloved comic figures since ever because he is a weird kid growing up in a shithole of a place, but secretly he’s the only survivor of his planet’s destruction and, instead of getting cancer from Earth’s more powerful Sun, he gets superhuman powers, to the point that he’s practically god-like. Kids love that shit, especially because the character was made up by two weird kids growing up in a shithole, so they knew what they were talking about.
Well, back to the movie. It happens that he wasn’t so much the only survivor. Like in the old Superman movie a number of convicts survived in the Phantom Zone, the destruction frees them and arrive on Earth looking for Sup because he’s the key to rebuilding Krypton. They also want to take over Earth and rebuild Krypton on top.
Anyway, Sup has just been through a world tour trying to find himself (we don’t see the parts where he travels to India, finds a guru, experiments with drugs, sex and psychodelic music, but I’m sure they’re there) and is unsure of what side to support. (SPOILER: he sides with the humans).
The movie is ok. Lots of action and levels of destruction that would make Goku proud, at the same time it is also more mature posing questions about identity and self-awareness that then get completely forgotten, I guess because otherwise the movie would be too long and it was already time to kick butt. Also, they tried that with the last Superman and it was a disaster, so it’s probably better they just barely touched on Sup’s daddy issues after the first half.
I didn’t stay after the credits because I really had to go to the bathroom, so I don’t know if there are teasers for upcoming Justice League movies, or super chimp, or super horse (look them up, they existed).
Overall the movie is entertaining and a good reboot of the character. I give it 6 out of 10 chocolate raisins.
Now, to the really important part. Here’s what I learned from this movie:
1. Capes are all the rage in dieing worlds.
2. If you have a choice between saying “Kneel before Zod!” or not, say it. Even if you’re not Zod.
3. It doesn’t matter how fast you are falling, as long as it’s not the ground that stops you it’s ok.
4. Same for being hit by a mass of around 100 kilos at 400 km/hr. If it’s a guy your organs won’t be pulverized.
5. Chicks dig it when you destroy half a city.
6. If your eyes get all red it could be an infection or you could be about to shoot death rays.
7. Only have one backup of your entire species, who needs multiple redundancy for that?
8. Don’t threaten Superman’s mom.